Once upon a time,
There was a beautiful burrito. It was sleek and fat, like a heifer. It was chocked with all kinds of good things to eat such as olives and black beans and onions and chicken and parsley and green peppers and, of course, cheese. It was simply bursting with all that fresh tasty goodness. It was very proud to be such a fine, desirable burrito. And that was saying a lot, the part about it being a fine burrito. You see, he lived in a magical place called BARBERITO'S.
Barberitos is taken from the Greek word baritu meaning "man, that is a wicked sweet burrito!" This was the place where beautiful burritos were created. They were popping up all the time. Some were a light orange color, and a little spicy. These burritos tended to be out going, if not a little light in the lima beans, and talked with a cheap Hispanic accent. Then there were green burritos that always carried organic bottles of water, and talked about saving the whales and liked to sing flowery songs accompanied soft guitar music. Then there were the white burritos. These were the happy-go-lucky burritos that enjoyed playing practical jokes and saying things like "your wrap!"
And our fine fat burrito was such a burrito. It was perfectly heated in the steamer. It was ordered to perfection. It was filled with the greatest precision, and lastly, it was rolled superbly by the greatest burrito boy in all the magical land of Barberitos, Todgidus Overbeekus, cheese captain extraordinaire! All the subjects in Barberitos envied this highly favored one, the only one, in fact, to have earned the illustrious title of cheese captain. You see, Todgidus was an advanced burrito roller, but his talent extended far beyond the front counter. Todgidus was also a wonderful public relations guy. He was always so friendly to the many tourists who visited Barberitos, and made friends with them.
Todgidus was also very good with numbers. He would often close the gates of the magical place at night, and count the governors' treasury contents, which pleased the governors of the land very much. The governors gave Todgidus many big responsibilities in the magical land, placing him above some of the other villagers who also aspired to be cheese captain. To top it all off, Todgidus was amazing with a paintbrush. He was pretty much the complete package in the land of Barberitos.
But Todgidus knew that he could not stay in that magical place forever. He longed for a land where people would break out in spontaneous song and dance, like an old musical. He wanted to wield his paintbrushes and colored pencils all the time, not just when the governors of Barberitos decided they needed an artistic touch added to something. No, Todgidus could not stay forever.
Our fine burrito realized that it would soon be in the hands of another villager. It was sad to see the cheese captain extraordinaire venture out into the wide world to find his fortune. But the fat, sleek burrito decided that it would endeavor to be the very finest, the very fattest, and the absolute sleekest burrito in the land forever, in honor of its cheese captain, Todgidus Overbeekus.
All the burritos gathered together on the sad day they had all been preparing for. They set aside their differences and forgave the orange burritos their sad attempt at connecting with their inner Mexican. The burritos composed the following poem and presented it to the young former-captain before he set out into the wide world, putting the magical land of Barberitos behind him. It read:
You are the finest burrito boy in the entire land,
And we are sure to miss your care, your gentle rolling hand.
For you only stuff us with the very best of all the fillings,
The others only reach in blindly, and their forceful cram is killing!
But we know you are quite talented and will be needed outside this place,
The world will be glad to have your skill, your perfect burrito grace.
So if you find yourself discouraged, or perhaps the wide world queer,
Just serve it up with salsa, 'cause that's how we roll in here!
So Todgidus, wiping a stray tear from his face, took his leave of the fine, fat burritos, and the finest, fattest burrito in particular. As he set out into the wide world to seek his fortune in life he looked back on the magical land of Barberitos, the sun setting behind it, he saw the fine, fat, sleek burrito watching him walk into the distance. And Todgidus knew that he would never forget the fat burrito or his time in the magical land of Barberitos.
